Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
