Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
