I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
