Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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