after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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