I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
