under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
