i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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