Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
