your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
