I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
