It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
