my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
