He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
