I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
