So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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