went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
