Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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