have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
