Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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