If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I want to have your abortion
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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