very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
