He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
