dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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