I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
