I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Success! We fucked roommates!
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