I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
