So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
