Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
