its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
