A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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