her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
