My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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