My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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