I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
