I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
