You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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