did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
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I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
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Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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