Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
