There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
