Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
two words...techno handjob
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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