I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
