I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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