Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
