he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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