I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
