i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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