i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
