He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
