never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think your dad took our porno
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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