the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
