she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
