I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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