maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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