addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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