sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
