I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
