If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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