i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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