Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
