If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
