After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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