So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
