I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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