last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
