So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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