I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
