So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
